Heist!
by DerangedCatGirl
Summary: Post-AC. It all started with a simple game of Cheat, but fast became the most notorious undercover operation of all time. Ladies and gents, welcome to Heist! CloTi, possibly Yuffentine, open Reno pairing.


Heist

Heist!

**Don't own any of these characters, yadda yadda yadda. **

**Enjoy!**

1: A Bit of a Fragmented Prologue

**Yuffie**

I hate life. In fact, I hate it so much that I'm going to make a list. Yes! A list! Yuffie the Brilliant, Yuffie the Magnificent, Yuffie the Incredible-girl-who-can-make-Vinnie-talk, is going to make a list!

Now. Pen and paper. Yes.

Dammit.

I rummaged through boxes, wrapping paper, discarded bits of ribbons (keeping an eye out for materia on the way, you know how careless people get when they're drunk. In fact, as testimony to that, I have three brand new materia from Cid and Barret that they just didn't take enough care of when they were downing their tenth pints. Tsk.) But hell! Where is pen and paper when you need it?!

"I, Yuffie the Flawless, should not be forced onto my knees on this way!"

"Flawless…?"

When I get annoyed, I tend to talk aloud. Not the best of ideas it seems. I straightened up, thwacked my head on the bottom of the table I was searching under, yelled 'ouch', span around, jarred my elbow on the same table, danced around the room howling curses and finally looked to see who it was.

I tripped over my new orange shoelaces and beamed, arms outstretched. "Vinnie! Haven't seen you for an age! Actually that's a lie seeing as you came to the New Year's party but that was a bit embarrassing for you wasn't it and I really didn't mean to steal your materia but you know what wine does to me I think Tifa was slightly drunk otherwise she wouldn't have given it to me but anyway it's really good to see you-"

At this point those stupid laces really did trip me up well and truly, and I went sprawling – right into _him_.

"ACK!"

I couldn't move; I was tangled up in that annoying cloak of his. How the hell did I manage to get myself into this mess?!

"I only wanted pen and paper!" I wailed, opening my eyes. And stopped. My incredible ninja reflexes had saved me from literally falling on my face on _his_ face, but it was a close thing. So my eyes were centimetres away from his. And…damn.

NononononononoIamnotthinkingit.

But come on! I pleaded with myself. You know, your arm _could_ just give way and then…

"…Yuffie."

"Yes?" I squeaked, and suddenly came to my senses. Before he even had time to draw another breath, I had catapulted myself up and away from him and scurried to the other end of my room, opened the closet and disappeared inside it.

Vincent Valentine was utterly nonplussed, but true to form, he didn't show it. All he had wanted was to collect the stolen materia that crazy ninja had stolen from him while he was…he didn't want to say _drunk_, but really…and instead had to endure a painful trip to the floor, a knock on the head, and an earful of Yuffie screaming something about pens. He gave a deep, though barely audible sigh – and he was some expert at that – and got to his feet, inspecting, with impassive eyes, the long rip in his old red cape. He took a quick look around; for a ninja, Yuffie really was like a child. Mess, ribbons and old wrapping paper – probably from Christmas – was left all over the place. The bed was half-made, as though she hadn't the patience to finish a three-second job. His lips twitched. He could imagine that.

He glanced at the closet that Yuffie had disappeared into and stood silently for a moment, tapping his golden claw-fingers against his leg. There was something in her face that he had seen rarely, before she disappeared into the Dark Unknown of the Closet, but he didn't dwell on it too long – it stirred a strange, but not unfamiliar feeling in his chest that he knew instinctively was best left alone.

"…Yuffie?" he said.

"The Amazing Yuffie isn't here right now," said a bright, muffled voice from inside the closet. "Please come again later!"

Vincent let out another one of his manly-and-deep-but-barely-audible sighs, cast one glance at the closet and departed, throwing something small and thin over his shoulder.

**Yuffie**

I could hear nothing but silence in my room. But damn, the guy's always silent! He could be in there anyway, lurking in some corner like the frickin' vampire he is, those eyes – beautiful eyes – watching this closet.

Or he could just not be there.

Sad thing is, I preferred the first option.

What the hell?! Yuffie is not afraid of anything! Apart from maybe Cid's hell-damned ship. And the buggy. And any form of transportation whatsoever. And maybe that biatch-evil snake thing that lurks in the swamp near Chocobo Billy's farm. And, OK, Vinnie scares the crap out of me when he does that spooky appearing act when you _swear_ that corner was empty a few seconds ago and then he swishes his cloak and gives you _that_ stare that makes my knees go all-

More to stop this unstoppable train of thought than anything, I launched myself into the room, bursting out of the closet with a forward flip, Conformer in hand just for added effect (if indeed he was in that corner just waiting for me).

I have to admit it, I was disappointed that my room was empty. Not just because that forward flip was da bomb and he hadn't seen it, but because he actually didn't care enough to stay and watch it. I pouted as I landed – but not flat on my feet as I had calculated and expected. My right foot slid on something thin and round, and I shrieked as I hit the floor in a so-not graceful heap of ninja and orange shoelaces.

Down in the bar, Tifa glanced up at the ceiling, rather alarmed.

"What on earth…?" she began. Vincent, perched on a stool and in the act of drinking a glass of water in his usual morose manner, said one word. Or rather, a name.

"Yuffie."

"Do you think she's OK?" said Tifa anxiously, leaning over the bar top in an effort to see a little way up the stairs. Her question was answered as, inevitably, the ninja's voice spiralled down the staircase and hit them with all the force of a Wutaian typhoon.

"OF ALL THE GODDAMNED TIMES TO FIND A PEN! THAT'S IT! I'M GOING OUT!"

**Yuffie**

I stomped down the staircase holding that fricking pen, working myself quite nicely into a temper. I spotted Vincent by the bar; he half-turned to look at me, and those amber eyes, deep as honey, pierced me once again. They stopped me dead. I mean, quite literally stopped me as I attempted to take those stairs two at a time. So of course I ended up missing a step, falling, catching myself just in time, tripping over those orange shoelaces and ending up in another undignified heap with my butt in the air. At least Fate made sure it was facing Vinnie. People have told me I have a pretty nice one.

Growling, I sprang to my feet as Tifa hurried over, exclaiming, "Yuffie! Are you OK?"

I cracked open an eye as I massaged my head. Vincent was on his feet, looking as startled as a deadpan vampire can (ie not very much).

"Fine!" I snapped, leaping to my feet. "I'm fine. I just…" I chewed my lip for several seconds, wondering whether to explode, or just storm out. Or both. Both could work.

"You just what?" said Tifa anxiously, still checking Yuffie's face for any signs of injury.

_I don't want Vinnie to look at me!_ I shrieked frantically inside my head. _I hate being bored! I hate having no more Steal materia left!_ _And I hate being embarrassed in front of…in front of…_

"I HATE PENS!" I finally burst out and sprinted out of the door, narrowly missing knocking over Cloud as he came in, a spanner in one hand and an oily rag in the other, testimony to the fact that he was caring for his stupid motorbike _again_. Of course that didn't stop me giving his pockets a quick rifle as I rushed past, but that chocobo-head only had some crappy heal materia in his back pocket. There was something large – suspiciously like an expensive chocolate box – tucked under his arm, but owing to my complete and utter lack of steal materia, I didn't have enough stealth to jack that too.

So, all in all, as I banged my way out of Seventh Heaven, I wasn't in the best of moods.

**Cloud**

The door slammed shut behind her, and silence descended upon the bar.

"What was that all about?" I asked, absently setting the spanner and rag down on the nearest table.

"I haven't a clue," said Tifa, walking over and prodding me in the chest. "And you, Master Strife, will be cleaning the tables till kingdom come if you don't get these off straight away." I hid a smile as I picked them up with a quiet, "Sorry, Teef." The smile was evident as she picked her way back to the bar, straightening a chair here, adjusting a vase there. I like it when she's strict with me; it reminds me of how much I need her.

I sat at the bar next to Vincent and slowly drank the welcome glass of water that Tifa handed to me.

"Cloud," Vincent said suddenly.

"What?"

"Has she been this troublesome before now?"

"Who, Tifa?" I said instantly, bewildered, as I always did when confronted with a question about a female.

Vincent turned his head a little and gave me a sidelong Look – the one I think I heard Yuffie term the 'ohmygawddamnevil' and (something else that I never catch) Look.

"Yuffie," he said, in a voice that I thought was a little strained.

"Oh. I don't know."

"She's been quite restless lately," said Tifa in a worried voice as she wiped the bar surface. "And…" She sighed – and I realised exactly how bad it was to hear her sigh like that. Tifa's hardly ever down. I used to think that she's like a toffee apple; tough, sweet, soft on the inside – and everybody loves toffee apples. You give kids toffee apples when they cry; and in my experience, you could damn well give my friends this type of sweet when the world was crumbling around us – and somehow… somehow, we were OK. I was OK.

But not everyone. I constantly worked on my bike to stop myself from thinking. But it was like trying to forget who I was, to erase her from my mind. When Tifa sighed like that, I would think of that smile, the pink dress, those hands ready to soothe and heal…but then my thoughts would suddenly swerve; and in my mind I would see a different smile, a young woman in the black of perpetual mourning, whose hands no amount of scars would make ungentle in their touch for a friend; and whose spirit had risen and fallen beside my own through whatever life threw at us all.

"Cloud?" Tifa was looking at me; her brown eyes were serious and slightly sad.

"Sorry…" I shook my head slightly, sitting up straighter. "What were you saying?"

But she just smiled a small smile and said, "I'll tell you later."

Then the bell tinkled as the door swung open.

"Welcome to –" began Tifa – and then she smiled that smile that turned heads in the street. I whirled around as she said, "Well look who it is."

**Reno**

I was bored. Hell, I was _bored_. I sauntered down the street, heading to nowhere, not exactly depressed, definitely not happy. Rude was back at the office with Tseng and Elena – last I saw, they were playing Cheat.

Yup. They were bored too. I even saw (ex)-President Rufus hanging around the open door, like he wanted to join in. I almost laughed at the thought. Almost. My mood wasn't quite good enough.

As I walked, I lazily looked at the girls passing me on either side – but geez, life was pretty low even on the looks department! Of course, they all looked at me, but that's nothing different seeing as I'm damn well irresistible. Personally, I think the angsty look suits me. Then I realised that thinking about my beautiful self didn't even cheer me up – and just as I thought that highly depressing thought, I saw a very familiar someone in the crowd. A smile actually did curl my mouth then, I'm ashamed to admit. I don't think she noticed me; I let her pass, but put out a hand, intending to nick the Conformer-materia that always hung loosely behind her back.

Of course, she was one step ahead. My hand was twisted away from me, and the bladed thing was halfway to my neck before Yuffie realised exactly who she was facing. I held up my hands and laughed.

"It's a sad life when you're actually glad to see a ninja brat," I said.

She let down the Conformer, but didn't smile. I raised my eyebrows and peered closely at her, hands stuffed in my pockets. I suddenly felt an impossibly tease-ish mood coming on. I smirked.

"Aw, come on babe, not even an insult?"

This got her. Grabbing my ponytail, she yanked hard and yelled, "_Don't call me babe!"_ Those grey eyes were flinty, but I could see that grin tucked into the corners of her childish mouth. I feigned extreme pain – well actually it was stinging quite a bit – and begged for mercy, before laughingly knocking her away with my baton.

"How's it going then, ninja-girl?"

She hopped up onto a low wall and perched there, swinging her legs, while people passed behind us, not paying any attention.

"I hate life," she said matter-of-factly. "I'm so _bored_! Nothing I do seems to motivate anyone else. They all want a _quiet_ life." She screwed up her face mutinously. "I want to have _fun_!"

"Tell me about it," I said darkly, suddenly seeing the truth of her words. I sat next to her, allowing the initial smile to disappear.

Naturally I did it so the girls opposite could see my face. The angsty look. They squealed. I smirked. Devastating.

Yuffie, of course, saw right through me.

"You're terrible," she said in her snootiest voice. "I don't know why I'm wasting time talking to you."

"Face it brat," I said, tilting my head and grinning. "I'm the most fun you've had all day. And I'll bet you're wanting to know _exactly_ how to grab a certain someone's attention, hmm?"

It was a complete shot in the dark, that, but I was honestly itching for some form of entertainment. And picking on immature ninja princess who might, or might not, be crushing on vampire-dudes was the highest available. Of course, she gave me the answer – her head whipped around and she gave me such a death glare that Vincent would probably have been proud.

"I do not," she said huffily.

"Someone's blushing," I sang.

"Am not!" She said.

"Are too."

"Not."

"Whatever you say," I looked pointedly away, shrugging. "If I were you, I'd be happy he's hanging around. Things my end are deader than ShinRa."

Her little face lit up with glee. "What's this, _Turk_? Not made a move on Elena yet?"

It was my turn to flush. "Hey!" I pouted. "It's not that easy, yo!" I hit the wall with my fist. "They're all in there playing _Cheat_ for cryin' out loud! And…and…" Here it was. The moment of truth. The ultimate reason for my depression. "And I'm really bad at Cheat!"

Yuffie looked shocked. "You? The ultimate swindler? Barring me, of course…"

"Yeah. Face it. I'm an honest guy, girly." Her eyebrows twitched disbelievingly; but then I looked at her eyes, and I gulped. They were blazing. And she was grinning in a way that I did not – I repeat, did _not_ – like the look of.

"Reno," she said, in what she probably thought was a soothing, reassuring sort of voice. To me it sounded gleeful. And evil. Very evil. "I have a plan. A good one too."

"You?" I burst out laughing. "Spare me, Yuffie. You're hardly clever enough to amuse yourself on your own, how could you –"

It was a while before I realised that _that_ was possibly the worst thing I could have said.

**Cloud**

Tifa was grinning in that dangerously attractive way at the two standing in the door. I frowned. Yuffie was back, and gone from her face was any trace of the frustration that I saw in it before; but beside her…I tried not to glare…was the redheaded Turk, looking sheepish.

"Hi, Teef," he said, grinning and gesturing at Yuffie by way of explanation of his sudden appearance.

_Don't call her that_. Too late, I realised I was glaring.

"Reno, it's been a while," said Tifa, leaning on the bar, still smiling. "Hey, Cloud, you OK?" She sounded quite confused. "And Vincent? Did I give you two a drink you didn't like or something?"

I craned my neck and glanced at Vincent. His pale face was, if possible, even stonier than usual. I felt the beginnings of surprise and realisation dawning. Was it possible that…

Reno's laughter cut my train of thought short; I saw that appreciative look in his eyes, and for the first time that day wished that Tifa wasn't wearing that new pair of black shorts and waistcoat-top. I concentrated on being impolite.

"What are you doing here, Reno?"

"It was me," said Yuffie, beaming and almost leaping on the spot in her contained excitement. "Listen, I have an idea."

"What?" we all said in unison. Yuffie plus ideas usually equals disaster.

"All of us," she said, in a gloating voice, "are going to have a _Cheat_ tournament."

"What?" Tifa stared at the ninja. "Where? When? Who?"

"Here, and now, and _everyone_." She paused, thinking. "Yeah. Everyone."

"But – Yuffie…"

"No buts," she chirped, cackling, waving her phone in the air. "It's done. " She looked thoughtful. "I had a surprisingly easy time getting Rufus, the ex-ShinRas and Turks into this …"

"_YUFFIE_!"

**End of! It's my first FF7 fic, be nice. Lots of juicy pairings to come up, and yes, requests are taken – particularly for poor Reno, as I'm of the opinion that Elena and Tseng are meant for each other. Contradict me if you like, I'm open for discussion!**

**DerangedCatGirl**


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